I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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