Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize