I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
