My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
