I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
