I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
