I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
