This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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