I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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