we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
