i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
