Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I believe in your delicious
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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