Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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