My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
