You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
