everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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