Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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