we have pet lesbian snakes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize