dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
