My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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