Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
