I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
