I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
