Just cropdusted the office
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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