So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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