You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
