He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
