Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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