It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
operation have a gay friend backfired
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize