I have demons in me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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