I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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