Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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