It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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