I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize