Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
