you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
