We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
