got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize