guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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