you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
