2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
