I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
