I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
