I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
