She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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