Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
