She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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