I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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