well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
