I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
