Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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