u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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