I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
