I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
