so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
