just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
