I hope mine doesn't look like that
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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