The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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