I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
