What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
