i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
