mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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