Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
