He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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