a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
