Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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