went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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