foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
