We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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