The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
